Súrë
(wind)
(January 20-February 18) |
Shire Calendar
29 Afteryule
28
Solmath
|
Stewards' Reckoning
29 Narvinyë
28 Nénimë |
|
Sometimes, in this crazy and confusing world, we can lose our head, both
literally and figuratively. It is of the figurative sense that the stars
speak today. (The stars can't help you if you really do, actually lose
your head.) The coming days will be a trying time for you. You will find
yourself in positions where you are ill-equipped to survive. Your first
instinct in these situations is going to be to turn around and run like
the wind. Try to resist. You must maintain control of your situation.
Istima is in reverse alignment with every other astrological house. This
means that wisdom just flew out the window. So if you lose control of
any situation in the coming days and attempt to flee to safety, it is
very likely that you will do one of the following instead:
1. Run like a ninny right into the trunk of a tree, thus, dying.
2. Run like a ninny right into a closed door, thus, dying.
3. Run like a ninny right off a cliff, thus, dying.
4. Run like a ninny out of the room, encounter an angry bee and flee back
the direction from which you just came, thus, dying.
So, the stars recommend against putting yourself in any situation where
running away is a part of the plan.
Also, it appears that Istima is going to be in reverse alignment for a
veeeeerrrrryyyyyyy long time. Sorry.
|
Lingwë
(fish)
(February 19-March 20) |
Shire Calendar
29 Solmath
28 Rethe
|
Stewards' Reckoning
29 Nénimë
28 Súlimë |
|
Fish have a memory span of about 30 seconds. Since you are ruled by the
sign of the fish, you probably are not the sharpest blade in the armoury.
That's all right though. Not everyone can be a thinker. Sometimes it helps
to think less and kill more. Concentrate on your skills as a warrior.
You need to think: "Must get big heavy sharp pointy metal thingie
into bad man!"
If you were thinking about taking up the mystical arts instead, the stars
are aligned against that path. Turning an enemy into a flaming ball of
goo is one thing. Accidentally turning yourself into said ball of goo
is quite another.
In summation: BIG HAMMER GOOD! MAGIC BAD!
|
Istima (wise)
(March
21-April 19)
|
Shire Calendar
29 Rethe
28 Astron
|
Stewards' Reckoning
29 Súlimë
27 Víressë |
|
Do you feel unappreciated? Do you feel that the renown
you deserve keeps slipping from your grasp? Does it seem like, no matter
how many enemies you kill, you are always 2 steps behind the truly great
warriors?
Get over it!
The universe if a damn cruel place, ruled by deities whose thought processes
defy the logic of mere mortals. Who are YOU to assume that you understand
the grand plan of it all? Who are you to assume that your opinion even
matters?
You should just be thankful that your head is still
firmly (if temporarily) attached to your shoulders. Quit your bitchin' and
go kill something.
|
Mundo (ox)
(April 20-May
20)
|
Shire Calendar
29 Astron
30 Thrimidge
|
Stewards' Reckoning
28 Víressë
29 Lótessë |
|
Now is the time to leave behind all you know, all you are comfortable
with, and travel to distant lands. Now is the time to take the road untravelled.
Now is the time to put yourself to the ultimate test.
You will meet hardships upon this path. You will feel beaten and weary.
You will wonder where this journey will take you and how it will end.
There will be no treasure at the end of the road. There will be no paradise
waiting for you. There will be no secret revealed that will make your
journey complete.
On this journey, you will find your destiny. How you choose to meet your
fate is something even the stars can not determine.
(Translation: go play in the newly built areas! don't be a wussy boy!
you can survive east of bree, believe it or not.)
|
Onóna
(twin)
(May 21-June 20) |
Shire Calendar
30 Thrimidge
30
Forelithe
|
Stewards' Reckoning
29 Lótessë
29 Nárië |
|
In the past, you were one of those people who just kept saying the same
thing, over and over and over and over and over ..... Perhaps you have
noticed that has become difficult for you to complete a coherent sentence.
Maybe you have developed a small stutter or even laryngitis.
The cosmos got tired of waiting around for you to get a clue and silenced
your irritating prattle. Just thought I'd let you know. The gods are watching.
|
Nanvanta (backwards walk)
(June 21-July 22)
|
Shire Calendar
1 Lithe
2 Wedmath
|
Stewards' Reckoning
30 Nárië
3 Urimë |
|
Fate is a remarkably fickle bitch. You were warned to follow your nature
when last we spoke but as it turns out, nothing will save you from the
testing time in your future. Ordinarily I would never tempt fate by revealing
the details of anyone's future, but for you, I'll make an exception.
First thing to go will be your gold. You should have gotten a moneybag.
Next will be all your possessions. Bet you will feel like a dolt for not
wearing that Arda ring.
Then, finding yourself naked and far from home, you will be slowly picked
to the point of near death by every little creeping, crawling creature
in Arda.
You will curse the day you were born. You will scream angry cries at the
heavens, damning the gods who rule all. You will scream at the top of
your punctured and perforated lungs until your throat refuses utter one
more sound. Your horrible day will end in a vast, empty place, devoid
of sound, sight or smell. You will remain in this horrible emptiness until
you sincerely repent your wrong doings and beg the gods you previously
cursed to forgive you.
None of this, of course, is your fault. Fate is a remarkably fickle bitch.
Deal with it.
|
Rá
(lion)
(July 23-August 22) |
Shire Calendar
3 Wedmath
2 Halimath
|
Stewards' Reckoning
4 Urimë
3 Yavannië |
|
AVOID TROLLS!
Do you have ANY idea how hard they can hit? You think that tiny piece
of metal you call a shield is going to help you? Trolls EAT SHIELDS. Don't
be a putz. RUN! Run like you ass is on fire and the nearest water is miles
away.
|
Curuni (witch of the good magic)
(August
23-September 22)
|
Shire Calendar
3 Halimath
2
Winterfilth
|
Stewards' Reckoning
4 Yavannië
2 Narquelië |
|
Once again, a strange combination of signs spells possible trouble in
the coming days.
Nanvanta is in your house which means a change is coming. But Onóna
is in reverse alignment with Nanvanta. Strange right?
Well, for those of you who are a little out of it I'll explain.
The Twins are in reverse conjunction with the Crab. Now this either means
you are going to go fishing with someone who looks a lot like you or you
are going to get a sexually transmitted disease from those twins you banged
last week.
See, didn't I tell you it was strange.
Don't blame me. I'm just the messenger. *shrug*
|
Heren (order)
(September 23-October 22)
|
Shire Calendar
3 Winterfilth
2
Blotmath
|
Stewards' Reckoning
3 Narquelië
2 Hísimë |
|
Granted, an active imagination
can be a true asset in life.
However, there is no way that horse gave you a "Come here big boy
and show me what a stallion really is" look. Perhaps taking a bath
every once in a while would increase your chances of procreating with
a member of your own species?
|
Ohta (war)
(October 23-November 21)
|
Shire Calendar
3 Blotmath
1 Foreyule
|
Stewards' Reckoning
3 Hísimë
1 Ringarë |
|
Oooooo. That's bad. Oooooo, no, that's not good at all . . .
Well, hmmmm, how to put this . . .
The stars foretell a very messy hunt. There will be you and a traveling
companion versus maybe 10 or so of your enemies. You really don't stand
a chance here. It would take a miracle to survive those odds.
Also, it seems that those hunting you will keep using the word, "LAB."
That doesn't mean anything to me but perhaps it has some hidden meaning
for you?
|
Pilin (arrow)
(November 22-December 21)
|
Shire Calendar
2 Foreyule
1 Yule
|
Stewards' Reckoning
2 Ringarë
Mettarë
(2 days before 1 Narvinyë) |
|
Perhaps you have felt a bit sluggish lately? If so, it is not surprising.
Your strengths and weaknesses are influenced by powers outside of your
control. The cosmos has entered a "shifting-phase." I will explain.
Before the "shift" occurred, the energies that flowed though
every living thing were vibrant and full of power. The cosmos poured into
you until such a time as Fate deemed you too old to receive the full measure
of power you were accustomed to. After you reached the age Fate chose
for you, your physical powers declined.
But now, in the "shifting-phase," you feel less lively, less
powerful, more sluggish. The cosmos no longer seems to fill you with the
same power it once did. I can not explain the full measure of this change
to you but I can give you this advice:
This is a long-term phase. All you can do is adapt.
If it gives you any comfort, every other great house of the stars is enduring
this phase as well. So at least we are all on the same, level playing
field.
|
Nyéni
(goat)
(December 22-January 19) |
Shire Calendar
2 Yule
28 Afteryule
|
Stewards' Reckoning
Yestarë
(1 day before Narvinyë)
28 Narvinyë |
|
Nyéni is the only house that is currently
in a positive romantic position. This news takes the shape of a double-edged
sword. One the one hand, you will feel the true power of your sexuality
in the coming days. On the other hand, no one else will be even slightly
interested in romance. This is tragic for you because your godlike performance
in the sack will only occur during this phase of the stars.
Since you will be rejected at every turn, no matter how appealing your charms
may be, I recommend taking matters into your own hand, literally.
This column is updated Monthly. Send your mail to
Trent Truthsayer.
Read Some Older Columns:
August 2001
July 2001
|