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Before you go out on that Adventure check what's in the stars according to Trent Truthsayer. Find your sign or that of each of your characters. |
| Súrë
(wind) (January 20-February 18) |
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The cosmos dictates that you will not find true happiness. Don't get
your panties in a twitch over it. Who do you know that is truly happy?
Instead, harness the powers that the stars impart to you and make everyone's
life a living hell. No one else deserves to be happy if you aren't. The
stars do have a quick suggestion for a way to start your rampage of terror. |
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| Lingwë (fish) (February 19-March 20) |
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Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of the is absolutely true. A house will fall on you . . . soon. |
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| Istima (wise) (March 21-April 19) |
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| Now is a time of great change for you. Be bold.
Be daring. Try not to be stupid at the same time. Venture outside of your
safe-zone and great rewards await you. Now is the time to strike at the
heart of your enemies. But don't be surprised if you miss and hit their
groin instead. Your naivete in the ways of love could prove painful in the upcoming days. In love, as in other things, it is always good to be prepared. So this week the stars indicate that you should always carry a rose and a really heavy club. You never know which one you will need. |
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| Mundo (ox) (April 20-May 20) |
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| Now is not the time to take up mountain climbing
or catch a ride on the back of an eagle. The earth gives you your power,
try not to let your feet venture too far from her touch. Do keep your shoes
on though as ring-worm is the leading cause of foot rot. Also, try to avoid
any sharp, rusted metal items on the ground. Lock-jaw and foot amputation
can really take the fun out of life. Moving on to your relationships, now is the time to throw away childish prejudices. Open your heart to that special someone and put your differences aside. Cross-species breeding can be both fun and surprising. Who knew that three toes would be becoming on an elf? |
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| Onóna
(twin) (May 21-June 20) |
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You are so much smarter than everyone you know. Sadly, you are aware
of this fact and as a result, you are a raving egomaniac. This could work
out for you nicely in the immediate future however. Your self-confidence
will serve you well in battle as long as you remember that no one is indispensable.
Its much more likely that it will be your jealous travelleing companions,
and not your enemies, that poke you in the eye with a big, pointed stick.
Frisk everyone you travel with for the next few days. Confiscate anything
pointy, otherwise, you are a walking corpse. |
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| Nanvanta (backwards walk) (June 21-July 22) |
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| You will change someone's life this week, or
maybe next week. The stars are a little fuzzy on the exact timing of your
life-altering impact. Also the details of this change are unclear. You may
save an infant from a fire or you may accidentally shoot your best friend
in the butt. It is difficult to say which. Just to be on the safe side,
how about keeping the arrows in the quiver this week? Just to be safe. In the relationship department you possessiveness will be your undoing. Friends and loved ones need personal space just as much as you do, especially while they are taking a dump. So get a grip or better yet, loosen the grip just a tad. |
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| Rá
(lion) (July 23-August 22) |
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| You are a force to be reckoned with on the battlefield.
Your enemies flee at the mere sight of you. Stories of your fearsome acts
have been told from the Grey Havens to Moria. Your wrath cuts through your
foes as easily as your sword cuts through the air. But you need to get your
explosive flatulence under control before you find yourself alone and unloved.
Lay off the eggs and broccoli for a few weeks. As for your social skills, well, the stars recommend spending as much time in battle as possible because socially you are as green as a new recruit. Not everyone thinks as highly of you as you do. So basically, for the time being you should kill more and speak less. |
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Curuni (witch of the good magic) |
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| You preparedness and attention to detail will
pay off in the near future. You will narrowly escape a painful and terribly
messy death because you remembered to store ports, fireballs and a few heals;
pack a rope, snowshoes, wolf-skin wristbands (just in case the rumors are
true), blue purple and rainbow colored scrolls (don't ask), a frying pan,
3 changes of clothes, 2 shields, a longsword, a shortsword, a two-hander,
2 bows, 4 quivers (all with enchanted arrows), silver and gold rings (to
accessorize properly) and a fishing rod. However, your traveling companions will not be so lucky. They will expect you to retrieve their belongings from their smashed and mangled corpses. But you will be carrying so much crap that you can't carry anymore. Your naked companions will secretly plot your untimely demise. The stars recommend killing them while they are naked and helpless. |
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| Heren (order) (September 23-October 22) |
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You are an honest and just person. Therefore, you will be spending much time in prison in the near future as it is a dishonest and unjust world you live in, particularly in the cities. Screw integrity. Go for the easy way out. Go off someone smaller than you and steal their stuff. The alignment of the constellations as well as the relative position of the dominant planets imply that now is not a good time to take up the art of pick-pocketing however. The stars have moved into a 'perception' phase. This makes even the most inept city-guard more aware of his surroundings. This phase lasts for roughly the next 5000 years. So until a less 'perceptive' time, just find the loopholes in the legal system and exploit them to their fullest potential. |
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| Ohta (war) (October 23-November 21) |
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| The coming days will bring great change for you.
You will go both forwards and backwards. You will go both left and right.
You will go both up and down. You will do all this many times for the stars
indicate that this is the best way to lose the overkill lab group that's
tracking you. However, even we mere mortals know that all that backtracking
will be in vain, for no one can ever escape the inevitable death that follows
in the wake of super-overkill-swede-lab-groups. And since you are going to be spending some naked-time in the city of your choosing, now is a great time to strike up a new romantic relationship. No point beating around the bush (pun intended). Put all your assets right out there for the whole world to see. Who knows, maybe you'll get lucky! |
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| Pilin (arrow) (November 22-December 21) |
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The stars have dictated that now is a solitary time you, mainly because
of your horrendous body-odor. Really, when was the last time you bathed? |
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| Nyéni (goat) (December 22-January 19) |
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In all things, your self-doubt will be your undoing. That in addition
to your amusing clumsiness adds up to a quick, messy, painful and humiliating
death for you in the near future. Try not to worry about it too much.
Embrace death. In your next life you will be a proud traveler with an
indestructible power of will and an endowment the likes of which even
the Ents have never seen. Comments? Send your mail to Trent Truthsayer. |
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